Friday, March 17

Dreaming

A conversation in my local tax office……

“Good morning” I said. “I’m here to ask you to stamp this form from the British Inland Revenue.”
“Why?”
“It’s to stop me paying tax twice – here and in the UK. It’s as it says on the form – it’s the Double Taxation Treaty”.
“Never heard of it
“Well, maybe, but it exists. As you can see from the form.”
I don’t care, I’m not stamping it
“Why not?”
Because I don’t know about it
“Then look it up. Phone someone. Read about it. Use the computer”
“I haven’t got a computer, and I haven’t got time to read, I’m too busy to phone, and you can’t smoke in my office”
“But you’re smoking already”
“It’s my smoke. I don’t want yours
“May I sit down while we talk about the form?”
No”
“It’s standard procedure between EC countries”
Not in my office”
“But if you don’t sign it, I may pay double tax”
Shrug
“I don’t want to pay double tax when I come to live here”
Go home, then
“Greece is my home”
Shrug
“Really, all you need to do is just stamp it”
Shrug
“It’s very simple, really…..”
“….and, I’m not leaving without you doing this”
He looks at the form
“It’s in English”
“It’s from England”
“Tell them to write it in Greek
“It’s 31 pages long, and for English people. The only bit for Greece is the box for your stamp.”
Translate it. Then, have it notarised as an official translation.
“It’ll cost me a fortune”
Shrug
“Will you stamp it afterwards?”
No. I’ve never heard of it”.
“Will you look it up in your manual then, or call Athens, or ask a friend, or the audience or anyone?”
Go away, I’m busy”.
“Who’s your boss?”
She’s busy, too”.
“So, you have one?”
I’m not telling you”.
“Is she here?”
Shrug
“So she is!”
Shrug, lighting another cigarette
WHO’S THIS ….PERSON’S MANAGER!” I call out
Me”, says the woman  - in almost perfect English – and sitting at the other desk beside him. “And please don’t shout
“Will you please stamp it?”
Only he can stamp it
“Will you tell him to stamp it?”
No. He doesn’t understand it
“Do you understand what it’s about?”
Shrug. Pause. “Maybe”

Another conversation in my local tax office…….

“Good morning” I say. “I’m here to ask you to stamp this form from the British Inland Revenue.”
“Of course”
“It’s to stop me paying tax twice – here and in the UK. It’s as it says on the form – it’s the Double Taxation Treaty”.
“I haven’t heard of it before but I’m sure I can find out
“Well it exists. As you can see from the form.”
Sure. Give me time to call Athens or investigate, leave it with me, come back tomorrow……have a coffee…………………
“Thank you, I appreciate it”
No problem. We’re here to help
“It’s standard procedure between EC countries”
Then we must understand it”
“If you don’t sign it, I may pay double tax”
We’ll make sure you don’t
“Greece is my home”
“And we welcome you here”
“Really, all you need to do is just stamp it”
He looks at the form
“Let me understand it and see if I can…”
“It’s from England”
“I like the English
“It’s 31 pages long, and for English people. The only bit for Greece is the box for your stamp.”
Easy, then.
“It’ll cost me a fortune to translate it”
Don’t. We can handle it.”

Another conversation in my local tax office……

“Go away, he can’t talk at the moment”.
Why not
“Because I’m torturing him”
What!”
“I’m stubbing cigarettes out on his large stomach, and sticking his computer mouse up his ****”
Why?”
“’Cos it’s fun to be like this”
And then what will you do?”
“Stamp his forehead. And arse. And stomach, and tongue”
And then?”
“Post him, in a box, to the Ministry for Investment, Ministry for Tourism, and Ministry for Economics”
You can’t
“Why not?”
They’re all on strike and there’s no post this week”.

OK. Tell me. Which is the true version?

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home