Tuesday, February 14

Follow Angelina's advice, please

I know I'm a little neurotic, but 3 interesting facts are beginning to worry me more than most.
On January 8th, the Earth stopped wobbling; I discovered that the pressure at the tip of the heel of a woman's high heeled shoe is more, per square centimetre, than that of a fully grown elephant; and the Vodaphone phone tapping scandal is still running.

Scientists don't understand the consequences of the wobble-stop. It's a first, and although forecast for many years, now it's arrived, nobody's quite sure what'll happen next. They reckon it'll take several months before any consequences begin to show. It could be something, it could be nothing, it could be a disaster about to unleash itself on mankind, it could be The End.
The high heeled shoe worrries me more though. I've never really considered the fact, and although heels have been a small fetish of mine for some time, now the thought of 10 tons bearing down on me in a frenzy of sexual tension makes my legs lock together in fear and the thought of bumping into Angelina Jolie at a party dressed in meshed nylons and heels a lot less attractive than it seemed yesterday. 'Course, it wouldn't stop the intimate conversation we'd have sharing stories from LA and Greece, Hollywood and The Village, the Oscars and the Vodaphone scandal, Iraq and...the Vodaphone scandal, the stopped-wobbling Earth and...the Vodaphone scandal, Iran's plans for nuclear fission and...the Vodapahone scandal, Avian flu and...the Vodaphone scandal, 3rd world poverty and...the Vodaphone scandal, the prospects of a worldwide economic slump and...the Vodaphone scandal.
However well, though, we got on, I doubt I'd get close to first base, however hard I try not to be put off by the thought of those high heels bearing down on me. She'll no doubt call me a mindless twit, with nothing better to do than gaze at my national navel, someone who tries to make large capital from minor events and suggest I take my mobile and insert it in a place where I wouldn't want to answer it anyway if it rang again because there are much bigger things to think and talk about than that.

I think we should all follow her advice.


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